Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man. - Thomas Wolfe
I am not alone, I will address that first and foremost. I have an incredible boyfriend whom I live with and he supports me fully in everything I do. However, not being physically alone does not mean I cannot feel the same crippling loneliness as any other person. Lately Adam has been busier with friends at work, golfing and other activities which do not involve me, this does not bother me, if anything I am so pleased that he is able to be sociable and surrounded by people besides me for some of his time. I do not want to be a couple who are so emotionally dependent on each other they aren't able to spend time apart and we are not like that, we have never been that way inclined.
I am lonely because I have been made redundant after six months for the second time since moving to the West County, I have only made one true friend since moving here who has her own friends and all of my other friends are busy with their own lives. I have not been able to forge many lasting friendships since moving from my hometown, however, did I really have any real friendships back home? No. I haven't been able to find likeminded people to connect with in a long time and I miss that part of life.
I have felt the weight of anxiety many times in my life, none more so than when I am not working; I feel the physical effects of stress so strongly in these times. I cannot begin to describe the feeling of overwhelming dread which almost paralyses your body in times of heightened anxiety; this can be triggered by anything even something as simple as an ignored text. My loneliness is causing my anxiety to be at an all time high at the moment, I know I am not truly alone and that I should count my blessings but sometimes it is just hard to see the forest for the trees.
But guess what, that is okay.
It is okay for your mental health to affect your outlook on life sometimes, it will do that. Our minds are funny things and a simple chemical reaction can cause mayhem in our daily lives, this is not something to be ashamed of. I am lonely at the moment, yes, however I know that this will pass and I will be okay once I get in to my new office next week and start meeting new people. For now, I am lonely and I am taking steps to stop this affecting my mental health in a negative way and to focus on the silver linings life hands me.
Silver linings;
I start a new job on Monday in a really big social office; in which there will be people whom I can potentially socialise with outside of work.
I finish my Open University course for the year next week and I have been able to maintain a good grade despite having a lot of big changes this year.
I have tickets to see Max Schneider with my little sister next week; we have been waiting for him to do a UK show for a long time and are both super excited.
I recently bought a new house in a lovely Cotswold's village with my favourite person in the world and I can't wait to spend evenings out in our garden in the summer.
I know this has been a bit of a deep post but I truly feel like mental health awareness is of such importance especially in the social media obsessed culture we live in today, I wanted to give my input on the topic.
Thanks for reading,
Charley x
Comments
Post a Comment